February 14 Relationships

Hi, I’m Single. Nice to meet you, Valentines Day.

Aw you guysssss, it’s Valentines Day and do you know what that means!? Reese Witherspoon throwing chocolates at her TV in Legally Blonde? Um, no, although I really want one of those heart boxes of chocolate from Duane Reade right about now….

Anyway…hi, I am single. Nice to meet you, Valentines Day. Do I want to cry? Kinda, but not really. Am I lonely? Sometimes, but not often. Do I want to sit in bed all day admiring the flowers I have sent myself and eat boxes upon boxes of chocolate until I am in a choco-infused coma, that I wake up to and have no idea where the f*uck I am? Hell yea. 

When Valentines Day comes around, there is so much love in the air and it really is such a sweet holiday. For the first time in a long time, I am single this year, passing down my chocolate heart torch. Usually you would think I wouldn’t like this, but I really do. It has been the most fun admiring others and the way they act toward “us”. I love clandestinely watching those who are scared of “the singles”, like strangers who pass you on the street. They just know you’re single. They look at you differently, walk on the other side of the sidewalk, and even make a sad face at you. Is there an ora about us that is like, “ew, love?”, because I personally love, love. All I ever want to do as a single person is stand alone in FAO Schwarz and hug a huge teddy bear and buy heart candies that taste like chalk. I literally live for that. And then there is the most common scenario. I love it when people who are attached are like scared to broach the subject of Valentine’s Day to their single friends (ahem, moi). “Um, do you have Valentines Day plans (insert quivering and trembling)?” Maybe I do, maybe I don’t, but why do you look like you’re deathly afraid of me and have severe food poisoning? It’s going to be okay. Bff.

As a proud member of the “Fierce, Strong, Single Ladies, Dream Team Worldwide”,  I stand by my confusion as to why there is only a day when we celebrate love, mainly associated with couples, instead of just loving ourselves. And not only that! There should be a holiday devoted to singles; devoted to us being the badass, independent bishes that we are, as we continue on our journey to find “the one”. Singles Day? Omg. This. Is. Genius. “Singles Day”.  Imagine how jealous our married friends would get? Now they can see what it’s like being on “the other side”. Brilliant. It would be like The Hangover Part 1000 in this city and I can just picture it now. People would be shacking up, bringing down the house, drinking the city dry…sounds like the best night of our lives, although we clearly won’t remember it. Perfecto. Instead of chocolates we would buy chocolate martinis, instead of flowers we would drink elderflower vodka, instead of lingerie in the bedroom we can wear it out on the streets, and instead of cards we could play drinking games all night long. This. Is. Epicccccc. Sigh. As my dream bubble slowly starts to fade out and I finally regain consciousness, I realize this may never happen. Wtf. 

I wanted you to know that in case this day never becomes an actual holiday (although, please email me to sign a petition for this), just because you are single DOES NOT mean you are not worthy of love or having a great night out! Look in the mirror, hug yourself, throw back a shot of tequila, and take a deep breath. Loving yourself is so much more important than loving the wrong guy. And boy have we had our fair share of those.

Have a sexy Valentines Day, beauty!


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Lindsi Lane


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