I was recently stuck in a bathroom with highly intoxicated women during brunch. It was very “Alexander Wang Spring campaign circa 2014” of them. I, myself, was not drunk, however, they were driving me to drink after hearing their convo. And besides, I was peeing, I opened the tap, and it’s like pressing the “refresh” button. It was time for a new round of drinks. You dig my vibe?
As I was all cozied up in my stall, I heard a door fling open and three intoxicated friends walked in slurring their words. They propped up on the sink and picked up the convo right where they left off. See!
“So as I was saying…I’m not always the nicest at times, but Jeffrey is always SO nice to me. But he’s like, TOO nice. Like he didn’t want me to leave this apartment this morning and wanted to make me french toast. It’s annoying. He’s annoying.” Ok, hunayyy hold on (insert highly confused facial expressions and flat out shock). Firstly, I nearly laughed out loud, and I mean extremely loud, at this comment, and secondly, POOR JEFFREYYYY! Wtf! Who is he, where is he, and how can I social stalk him to let him know to stay away from “drunk girl b*tch”? I was so pissed.
As the girlfriends chimed in they had my back. “Jeffrey is SO nice and he REALLY likes you!” “That is sooooo sweet. Something is wrong with you!” “We wish we had guys that liked us that much!” Yes! Normalcy. You go girlfriends! I literally wish you could have seen me in the stall. At this point, I just wanted to listen and I was SO “Team Jeffrey”, it was insane. I was clenching my fists and speaking to myself as this convo went on. It was as if I was in a silent argument with myself, nodding my head and smiling as the friends basically told her she’s crazy AF and going to die alone. Sorry, not sorry and I love an honest brood of drunk friends. Sue me. They exited the bathroom. I exited the stall. Mind you, I looked like this after listening to these chicks:
I stared in the mirror and shook my head. Poor Jeffrey.
But deeper than that, it got me thinking a little more. Are girls as big of assholes to guys as asshole guys are to girls? And the answer is YES, YES 100000000x YES, sometimes they are! I have seen it a million times over and this confirmed that, yet again, for me. I get it though. Some guys love a bitchy girl, but if you are a bitchy girl you could miss out on Jeffrey! It’s not particularly my style to be a nasty girl to those I have dated in the past, but I was also never attracted to the men who treated me like shit until they got me either. I always liked the nice guy and rooted for the underdog, so try to keep an open mind and lead with your “damsel in distress” foot. Jeffrey sounded like a fuggin’ King, one who is so hard to find these days. He clearly didn’t deserve DGB. So two things ladies: (1.) I really hope one of the “drunk girl friends” is now banging Jeffrey or better yet, married to him! Or else you should find him faster than you would hit up the secret Louboutin sale that happens every year, but like, you legit can’t get into. And (2.) The next time a boy tries to make you french toast, be sure your response is, “and how do you take your syrup?”
All photos courtesy of Alexander Wang